Friday, May 2, 2014

(He's) Early and (I am) Late

  There are only a few things that my husband and I have had a problem with, and one is, that he is early, and I am late. His philosophy has always been to be early for meetings, in time to hear the band tune up and the "Testing 1-2-3."
  My logic is quite the opposite. Why leave early? It's a waste of time to sit and wait. I have it all figured out, with my grade school math, that if we attend two meetings a week, and we are 15 minutes early each time, in 20 years of marriage we will have wasted 520 HOURS of time!
  During that amount of time, I could have gobbled up 10,852 chocolate chip cookies or read 2,079 Dave Berry columns on time management and other nonsense!
  I'm not always late though. I got to the hospital on time for our four children. For the first one, I was 17 hours early!
  Through the years, this early/late problem between my husband and me escalated to the point where I knew I would have to do a study on the problem.
  According to experts, there are four ways to handle it:
 1. Divorce. This is the quickest way to go, but neither of us cares to step into a second set of problems. The ones we have are quite adequate!
2. We could go separately to meetings, but then, the neighbors would talk.
3. The late person should change (i.e., ME).

  Are you serious? Remember those old telephone cords with the coils? Well, that's how my coils are set. Actually, I have stretched them a few times to be early, but -- boiiiiiiiing! They coil back again. Only one solution remains.
4. If both the early coils and the late coils persons are stretched just a few minutes for each meeting, two can boiiiiiing out the door together. Boiiiiiing, boiiiiiing!